There are thousands of women who love too much, who forgive too much and are unloved. We hear little from them, we see little of them, because very often an amalgamation of shame, guilt and the powerlessness to get out of an unhealthy romantic situation prevents them from telling their story. VIVA MÉDIA met a survivor, a woman who, despite the years since the time she shared her life with the one she calls her attacker, is still rebuilding herself today.
Marie is now 32 years old. She met Martin when she was 19. She points out that the first year of their union went without any episode of violence. Martin was charming, loving, affectionate and caring. Everyone loved Martin. He was one of those we qualify as a good guy.
“One day a friend of his came to wait for him at the house. When he walked in, I saw from his expression that he was not happy. As soon as his friend left that night, we got into a fight and he hit me for the first time.”
Marie explains that after the storm passes, Martin confides in her that he is not doing well and that he believes he is in a depression. He begs for her help and support by promising to make an appointment with his doctor.
«This guy was the first man that I loved. In fact, I loved him more than I could hate him. It was my first relationship, I didn’t know anything about healthy love. I had no idea then that being called all kinds of names, always worrying that he would get angry and fight, was also abuse. I also didn’t know that having sex to buy peace or hoping it would get him in a good mood and he would stop breaking things in the apartment was also a form of abuse.
One evening in December, the couple argued. Martin opens the door and pushes Marie outside with little clothes on. He orders her to leave and not to come back. Not knowing where to go, since her mother no longer lived in the region, the young woman went to the nearest convenience store and called the police, who took her to L’Accueil pour Elle.
“I was there for 1 week. I’m ashamed to say that, but I was the one who asked him if I could come home. I can’t explain why. A few days later, he asked me to leave. While I was gone, he had met someone else. Completely destroyed, I returned to L’Accueil pour Elle. That day, by putting me on the street, he gave me back my freedom and the possibility of rebuilding myself. It’s the only thing I’m grateful for. If he hadn’t, I don’t know how long I would have endured all of this. I was sure he could change. When it was going well, it was going well. When things were going badly, I told myself that I knew how he was deep down, that I knew he could be a good partner. I was young, I did not understand.”
Marie concluded by saying that if she had any advice for women victims of violence it would be to leave without delay. “They are thought to be good people, who for some reason become monsters for a few moments, but the opposite is true. They are monsters who show a good side of themselves before they revert to being monsters. We can’t change these guys let alone save them, but we can and we must save ourselves. It is the only solution.”
Today Marie says she is happy. Single by choice, she emphasizes that from now on, not just anyone can come into her life.
* In order to respect Marie’s desire to anonymously share her story, the first names used are fictitious.
